I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
