Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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