It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
