At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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