Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
if i died would you start the facebook group?
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I have already put on my inside pants.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
