he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Randomize
