grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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