I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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