I like to think it a success when the cops are called
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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