Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
