My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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