these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
