Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Randomize
