youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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