yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
