Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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