I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
