A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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