Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
