Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
