and you said cock pushups were impossible
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
The power of my boobs compel you
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
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