I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
If its not for food we ain't going out.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize