I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
