And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
