Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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