seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Randomize
