So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
