Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
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