When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Randomize
