he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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