Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
