He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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