dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
