You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
