Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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