OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
