yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Randomize
