like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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