he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
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