you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
She told me I should be a condom model.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
