Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Randomize
