dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
i out mim tonsoeep
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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