Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I don't deserve a penis
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
