He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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