I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
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