my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize
