why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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