You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
