She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
