i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
