Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
