I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
