Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
