i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
