I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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