I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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