it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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