New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
