Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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