The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
