I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Randomize
