i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
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