do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
