he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize