Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
