And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
