My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
