So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
