hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
