i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
