Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Randomize
