Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
