i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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