He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize