I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
