I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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