When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Randomize
