A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
His nipple licking is glorious
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