omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
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