I cockslap morals
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
