My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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