i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
