just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
