she's into porn, im staying here tonight
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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