We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
