he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
