didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
