Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
i will never coherently bang her
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
