he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Randomize
