You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I will pee on everything he values.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
