So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
