My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
