hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
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